Category Archives: General

Updates, news and random silliness.

Things Keep Moving Forward

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Trees


It’s so long between my posts recently as SO much has happened. I was working part time and going to school full-time and also did a practicum as part of my schooling and seeing a counsellor to help me deal with the stress and anxiety of learning to balance so many things at once.

I made it through – I am now a certified Community Disability Support Worker. I graduated at the top of my class (I AM going back for a Bachelor of Social Work in a year or two, however) and did very well on my practicum, which was a lot different than my previous practicum. At this placement I was involved with allot more individuals with complex needs in both a vocational and residential setting.

I really connected with a few of the individuals with whom I worked and I hope to go back and work with them in a year (due to the nature of that specific agency and the types of support it offers a vehicle is a MUST have for employment). So, although I’ve been really anti-car for most of my life I will be getting my learner’s licence in the next month, and will be purchasing a vehicle in the next year or so. I’m still determined to bike as much as I can, and only use the car for things like work and getting out to the mountains to camp, and leaving it parked the rest of the time.

I am still working part time in a deli (which I’m really not fond of – but it’s simply a tool to get me from point A to point B like the future car will be) and am waiting on a final surgery to fix my hernia before I start looking for employment in my field. Because my earlier surgery was an emergency surgery they were unable to put a mesh in, and a mesh is needed in order to keep the hernia from coming back over and over again. I think it’s probably wise for me to hold off on securing a new job until that’s been dealt with as it hardly seems fair to expect an agency to invest time and money in training me (there are a bunch of courses like “non-violent crisis intervention” and “medication administration” which are required and offered on an agency by agency basis) only to have me need a couple of months off to heal.

I guess this is a general update rather than one which gets really specific. I’m working on creating some positive lifestyle changes again, and am reading a few good books (several about fermentation, one about macrobiotics, and one on returning ones lifestyle to a more balanced, natural place). I’ve been online gaming a fair bit (with the support of my counsellor, as I seem to be learning to balance things out and to use this as a positive stress release, rather than as a avoidant behaviour).

I think about this blog daily, and my current desire is to transform it into something which reflects who I am and what my interests are a lot better.  I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet – but it’s coming.

I’m going to close this update with a video which I find inspiring on a professional level. I’m interested in the field of work I am because self-advocacy and supporting people in finding as much independence as they want to have in their lives speaks to me. It took me many years, and working through a ton of fear to get here – but this is what I’m meant to be doing in the world at this time.

The support worker who shot this video is doing something pretty cool – he’s helping the individuals he supports to create businesses based on their individual skills and interests! What’s so awesome about that is that it is celebrating who these individuals are, and it’s showing that there is room for each and every one of us to shine and to contribute to society. We are all on this planet to share ourselves and to teach one another – the Universe makes no mistakes.


Shamanic Drumming and Moving Forward.

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The above video really expresses what it is that is so appealing to me about shamanic drumming, and why it is something which I’m exploring for use in my own life. It just stirs something vast within me, and I know that I can harness this vastness and use it to journey deeply inward and deeply outward.

I’ve made some really profound realizations about the direction my life has taken and am so grateful for the bullets I’ve dodged, and the people and things I’ve lost over the past few years, as the gains I’ve made are far beyond what I ever suspected was possible for me. I am beginning to have a really solid concept of what my path is meant to be, and what it is becoming, and I’m beginning to be really excited by what a good job my intuition has done in guiding me, even when I thought I was wandering blindly and without direction. I’m really not trying to be vague, I just don’t quite have the words to describe what it is that I am here to share with the world yet. What I do know for sure is that my schooling will greatly aid me in this mission, and that working with differently abled people is certainly a step in the right direction for me.

School starts for me in September.

School starts for me in September.

I picked up my first semester textbooks today and began some preliminary studying. I’m so eager to get started on my actual program, and can hardly wait until January when my practicum begins.  It feels so good to be moving forward consciously and to KNOW deeply that things ARE on track, and that I have done the 360 degree turn which I needed to do.

I’m so grateful that the Universe chose to step in and show me the wrong relationship choices I had made, and let me know that I was destined for something bigger than just settling for what fell in my lap. Sometimes settling feels comfortable, but it’s not really the right fit, and comfortable is usually not the more interesting, fulfilling or growth-inducing place to be.

Walk in Beauty.

From Seed to Fruit – Eating the Fruit at Last.

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Life is a precious gift. Don't waste it being ...

We must face the unavoidable truth: the world is in crisis and nothing short of a total spiritual transformation will avert the catastrophe that lies ahead.We are being called to create an new world paradigm: one based on love instead of fear. Fear closes our hearts and shuts God out. We forget our alignment to a harmonious vertical reality in which we are one with All That Is and fall into a fragmented horizontal reality in which we are separate from each other, from the world, from Life, and from Source. Surely, the mess we have got ourselves into is a by-product of the fear-based paradigm we have been living in for so long?

FromHow to find God in everything” by Amoda Maa Jeevan

I’m just sitting home after a really great shift at work, and am soaking up the joy I’m feeling. I have a great big glass of cucumber, dill and lemon juice and it feels SO good, to be absorbing such simple and delicious nutrition. I don’t think I’ll ever fully “go raw” but I sure do feel good when pure, alive and clean foods take a central role in my meals.

It really does amaze me when I successfully spend a day just loving everything and feeling connected, without allowing myself to get side-tracked or sucked into any low-vibrational thinking. It’s really been enlightening for me to realize that rather than breaking thought processes down into “positive or negative” or “bad or good” or “healthy or unhealthy” I can just focus on how it affects me energetically and use that knowledge to guide me. I’m still just a fledgling as far as my spiritual journey goes, but my wings are growing stronger, and my passion for flight is growing exponentially.

Truthfully, I feel a little self-conscious about sharing about my spiritual path online, but it just seems to be such a high focal point of my life right now, and I want to share my excitement. I have no interest in teaching or in influencing other people’s journeys or even in convincing people that what I’m seeking is findable, I am just excited and happy to have found the start of my path after so many years of feeling direction-less.

This path doesn’t really feel so much like a “new discovery” as it feels like rediscovering aspects of myself which I had abandoned out of fear and a low sense of self-worth. I feel like the child in me has been lovingly brought back into my life and knows that she is worthy, loved and safe to live in the world freely and with unconditional support from me.

For many years I believed that the world was broken beyond repair and things were hopeless. I swam angrily in my rage and depression and just outright refused to allow myself to even consider pursuing any sort of stability or “success” in life, because it all seemed so hopeless and so pointless. My depression is gone today, and I KNOW that joy and love are there for me to live in and that I will never be crippled by depression again, because I don’t need it anymore. I’m just done with that part of my journey, and now starts the joyful, abundant and love-filled part.

Love vs Fear

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This is a really good reminder for me!

This is a really good reminder for me!

I finished registering for my courses and finished my student loan application today. It was really stressful (I tend to have a ton of anxiety when I’m faced with bureaucracy and the hoop jumping and red-tape which comes along with it). I’m very pleased and excited to be all set to attend school in September (I’m studying to become a Disability and Community Rehabilitation worker, in order to gain the financial stability which I need in order to start working toward my longer-term goal of becoming an aromatherapist and herbalist).

I’ve been spending a good amount of my free time with a really amazing man and my heart is all fluttery and excited, in a way I haven’t felt in years. It’s still too soon to say where things with us will lead, but I haven’t felt this connected and peaceful in anyone’s company in many, many years, it’s so refreshing to have someone to spend time with who appreciates the whimsical nature of my personality, and who is as happy to learn as they are to teach.  It’s too soon to say that I’m in love, but I’m sure looking forward to enjoying the journey and finding out where it takes us.

As we press upon one another with our intentions, From our hearts fly luminous butterflies, That intermingle and crossover to be absorbed. In abeyance our hearts await.

Lujan Matus

I’ve finally got two days off side by side a week at my job, which is allowing me the leisure time I have needed to work on this blog, my beadwork and to start getting my kitchen back into shape so I can start cooking some real meals again. Tonight’s supper was a giant smoothie with 3/4 of a cup of white beans snuck into the mix. It was actually really tasty, and once I’ve tweaked the recipe I’ll share it here.

I’ve just started to learn chords on my ukelele, and I’ve been fiddling around with learning chain mail as well. I’ve also been putting real effort into increasing my Linux knowledge. It’s kind of amazing to think about all of the knowledge and beauty there is to explore.

I’ve been working really hard on wrapping my head around non-duality recently, as I’ve started to really see how the power of attraction works in my own life. Focusing on how messed up the world is will never create positive movement toward change and growth, it just keeps us stuck. My depression didn’t lift until I decided to create positive change for myself, and I believe that the same is true on a universal level. It’s funny how the same old lessons sometimes take on new (or maybe just deeper) meaning for me.

I really need to go spend some time in meditation tonight. Life has been awfully busy recently and I think I need to just BE for a bit.

Walk In Beauty

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I Am Therefore I Am?

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111cosmos

Today I got into a good discussion about things like The Existence of  God and, Life After Death . I’m still trying to wrap my head around one of the questions which occurred to me regarding the Life After Death question:

“How do you know there isn’t life before birth? I am not entirely certain where consciousness originates from, but we have it – where does it come from?” (quoting myself here).

So, that’s what it all boils down to for me. I am actively working on becoming a fully conscious human being, and as I tend to question everything I also need to study and research and fully grok the subjects which catch my interest. So, currently I’m obsessed with better understanding consciousness, where it comes from, and where it goes when our physical bodies die (as well as where it came from when our physical bodies began to be). Part of me has a pretty firm and intuitive belief in reincarnation, but my inner philosopher is never satisfied with opinions which are based 100% in intuition.

I’m seeking some  new information. I’m not so much trying to prove or disprove the presence of consciousness/spirit both before and after the death/birth cycle as I am attempting to more fully understand the subject. I adore learning, and some questions are well worth further investigation.

The begining of my interest in understanding consciousness was triggered by Eckhart Tolle‘s The Power Of Now and the following quote:

“I cannot live with myself any longer.” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar thought it was. “Am I one or two?” If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: The ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with.” “Maybe,” I thought, “only one of them is real.”

Reading the above quote was like a jolt of reality and awakening for me. So now, here I am aware, and awake and seeking to understand fully who ‘I’ am and where ‘I’ originate from. Isn’t it amazing that the Universe has gifted us with these amazing minds, so full of capacity and ability to question and seek out truth?

I do believe it might be time for me to look into sitting in on a philosophy class, and maybe even into attending some of our local philosophy club’s meetings.

And that once again brings me to this:

Life is Beautiful, and I am Healthy and Happy.

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This beauty was flirting with my pup and I on our walk today.

This beauty was flirting with my pup and I on our walk today.

Risk

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.

~Anais Nin

I had an incredibly beautiful and productive day today.  I have changed my bike route to and from work so it’s 5.8 km each way instead of the 5.2 km each way route I was taking previously. This longer route is much prettier and is a pretty steady gradual incline all the way home, so I get extra cardio out of it. I listened to this song on repete the whole way home and as usual, Van Morrison just elevates my spirit and makes me fly home with a huge grin on my face. Music really is potent spiritual magic for me (and for many others I’m guessing).

I’m not doing much cooking these days, I’m pretty much living on falafel (OMNOMNOMNOM) from work and salads, bananas and dates when I’m home, so it’ll likely be a little while before I post much by way of recipes. I’ve been working a lot more shifts than I initially expected, so I have a bit less leisure time than I did when I started this blog. I’m ok with it being mainly a lifestyle blog currently though.

I’m really focusing on a few of the lessons I’ve learned as a result of the reading I’ve been doing these days and I’m finding this new focus to be really beneficial. Primarily I’m focusing on the idea that thinking healthy thoughts will lead to healthy actions, and that we attract what we think most about. These are of course, pretty basic spiritual teachings, and I’m just now working really  hard at mastering them as they are really key in creating the life which I’m meant to have. It’s amazing how much more peaceful and energetic I feel when I really stay conscious of my thoughts and reactions to the world around me. These aren’t new concepts for me, but I’m just now starting to fully grok them.

I’m making plans with a friend to make our way to the United States next year so we can go check out some Rainbow Gatherings. These gatherings started the year I was born, and I’ve been wanting to experience them first hand for years. I’m going to have to look into getting a passport and all of that good stuff pretty soon. I’m hoping to get a bunch of beaded stuff made to bring with me to barter while I’m there, but I’ll also have to look into the legalities of that as well.

I’m evolving and life is beautiful.