Love vs Fear

This is a really good reminder for me!

This is a really good reminder for me!

I finished registering for my courses and finished my student loan application today. It was really stressful (I tend to have a ton of anxiety when I’m faced with bureaucracy and the hoop jumping and red-tape which comes along with it). I’m very pleased and excited to be all set to attend school in September (I’m studying to become a Disability and Community Rehabilitation worker, in order to gain the financial stability which I need in order to start working toward my longer-term goal of becoming an aromatherapist and herbalist).

I’ve been spending a good amount of my free time with a really amazing man and my heart is all fluttery and excited, in a way I haven’t felt in years. It’s still too soon to say where things with us will lead, but I haven’t felt this connected and peaceful in anyone’s company in many, many years, it’s so refreshing to have someone to spend time with who appreciates the whimsical nature of my personality, and who is as happy to learn as they are to teach.  It’s too soon to say that I’m in love, but I’m sure looking forward to enjoying the journey and finding out where it takes us.

As we press upon one another with our intentions, From our hearts fly luminous butterflies, That intermingle and crossover to be absorbed. In abeyance our hearts await.

Lujan Matus

I’ve finally got two days off side by side a week at my job, which is allowing me the leisure time I have needed to work on this blog, my beadwork and to start getting my kitchen back into shape so I can start cooking some real meals again. Tonight’s supper was a giant smoothie with 3/4 of a cup of white beans snuck into the mix. It was actually really tasty, and once I’ve tweaked the recipe I’ll share it here.

I’ve just started to learn chords on my ukelele, and I’ve been fiddling around with learning chain mail as well. I’ve also been putting real effort into increasing my Linux knowledge. It’s kind of amazing to think about all of the knowledge and beauty there is to explore.

I’ve been working really hard on wrapping my head around non-duality recently, as I’ve started to really see how the power of attraction works in my own life. Focusing on how messed up the world is will never create positive movement toward change and growth, it just keeps us stuck. My depression didn’t lift until I decided to create positive change for myself, and I believe that the same is true on a universal level. It’s funny how the same old lessons sometimes take on new (or maybe just deeper) meaning for me.

I really need to go spend some time in meditation tonight. Life has been awfully busy recently and I think I need to just BE for a bit.

Walk In Beauty

I read this back in 2011 and it’s really had a huge impact on my world view. I really needed the reminder today as I have some new things going on in my life and as is sort of natural, this has swung some of my focus over to anxiety and fear, which is just not needed or beneficial. It’s funny how easy it is to stray off-track during times of transition.

EVERY action taken by human beings is based in love or fear, not simply those dealing with relationships.

Decisions affecting business, industry, politics, religion


The education of your young,

The social agenda of your nations,

The economic goals of your society,

Choices involving war, peace, attack, defense, aggression, submission;

Determinations to covet or give away,

To save or to share,

To unite or to divide

Every single free choice you ever undertake arises out of one of the

Only two possible thoughts there are: a thought of love or

a thought of fear.

FEAR is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms.

LOVE is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals.

FEAR wraps our bodies in clothing,

LOVE allows us to stand naked

 FEAR clings to and clutches all that we have,

LOVE gives all that we have away

FEAR holds close,

LOVE holds dear

FEAR grasps,

LOVE lets go

FEAR rankles,

LOVE soothes

FEAR attacks,

LOVE amends


You have no choice about this, because there is nothing else from which to choose.

But you have free choice about which of these to select.

Excerpt from CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD Book 1 – Neale Donald Walsch


About couleewind

I'm a 41 year old woman from a small city in Alberta Canada. I am whimsical and bitter-sweet and am essentially a marshmallow in a porcupine suit. I collect Pez dispensers and books and I love to talk, although I do tend to be fairly introspective. The sort of content which you will find here will vary depending on the day, my mood and what’s going on in my world or of interest to me. I mainly blog as method of reflecting on my day and on my life at the time of the post. I have a history of struggling with social anxiety and depression, as well as type two diabetes, and through living a plant-based, wholistically centered life I've made great strides in these areas. This blog is meant to reflect where I'm at in my life, and how I'm moving toward creating the life I see myself having in my dreams. I will often discuss, whole foods, meditation, personal growth and my day to day struggles and victories. I am also a highschool drop out who is returning to school at age 42, and a person who lives on a very tight fixed income currently, this will also be reflected in my blog.

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