Healing My Eating Disorder.


Flourite bead choker

I mentioned way back when I started this blog that I have struggled off and on for years with various forms of disordered eating and I do still sometimes deal with compulsive eating. I have made a ton of headway with my addictions through learning to accept them and not abusing myself when I have a backslide. This method of self healing was reaffirmed for me this week through reading and reflecting upon the chapters on addictions and health/food in one  the books I’m currently reading (Being in Balance by Dr, Wayne Dyer).

You’re Not What You Eat;

You’re What You Believe About What You Eat.

~ Dr, Wayne Dyer

My primary”drugs of choice” have been potato chips and I’m finding that they have lost much of their pull on me in recent months. Heck, I even survived a pretty brutal break-up without falling way off the deep end with a big bag of chips clutched to my chest. With the releasing of the shame which I used to hold so close to my heart when I “binged” much of the appeal of self-abuse seems to have quite simply vanished.

Tonight I had decided to go to the store and grab some chips to stuff my face with, but as seems to happen more and more often these days, I put them back on the shelf and made a healthier, more self-loving choice. Instead of a family sized bag of chips, I came home with a quarter of a watermelon, an avocado, and a cucumber. I had a lot of fun eating and enjoying the watermelon with my mother and my dog (my dog adores fruit and vegetables as I’ve raised him with them as dietary staples) and basically having a little celebration of life and healing.

It’s kind of neat to find that the healthier aspects of my personality are starting to be the parts of me which make most of my choices these days. I feel like I used to hold myself prisoner with my own self-destructive behaviours, and I have begun to free myself to be the balanced, healthy and complete person I was holding myself back from embracing.

Life is really beautiful, and I’m really grateful to be who I am, and where I am at this point in my life. Truthfully, I wouldn’t change a thing right now.  I seem to have found my center and I’m just loving my life and who I am. I seem to be so much happier single than I ever was in a relationship. I’m starting to understand why this is, and I think that it will change and evolve as I do.


About couleewind

I'm a 41 year old woman from a small city in Alberta Canada. I am whimsical and bitter-sweet and am essentially a marshmallow in a porcupine suit. I collect Pez dispensers and books and I love to talk, although I do tend to be fairly introspective. The sort of content which you will find here will vary depending on the day, my mood and what’s going on in my world or of interest to me. I mainly blog as method of reflecting on my day and on my life at the time of the post. I have a history of struggling with social anxiety and depression, as well as type two diabetes, and through living a plant-based, wholistically centered life I've made great strides in these areas. This blog is meant to reflect where I'm at in my life, and how I'm moving toward creating the life I see myself having in my dreams. I will often discuss, whole foods, meditation, personal growth and my day to day struggles and victories. I am also a highschool drop out who is returning to school at age 42, and a person who lives on a very tight fixed income currently, this will also be reflected in my blog.

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